Open...

I saw you, you saw me.

You reached out, you touched my heart.

We grew, we worked on us.

We held so dear our shared galatea.

You said 'you understood me'.

It frightened me, I became panicky.

Forced to recede into my shell.

I hit you with guised anger, biffs of hatred.

Etwined souls disordered, threatened by fabricated acts.

Flicking light of intimacy quenched.

YOU should have listened to my plea for a truce.

The sonority of my bruised spirit,

Unable to stop what it regretfully started.

Then i Lost you...

My twisted sense of self-perservation.

I Lost you...

A part of myself, larger than is worldly possible.

You don't understand me, never will.

If time will go back, will find you a person of no consequence.

Misunderstood

Hurt, scarred and left with a memory Of  what happened.
Wild and free she struggles in a world without care.
She is happy, she is safe, she is content.
There are many of them, she has lost count,
All ready to pounce, take a part, touch a part.
Puzzle pieces on the floor! None fit.
She tries too hard, the puzzles aren't the same,
They'll never understand, they scram.
She yearns for one, she waits for one.
Paranoia, restiveness, nothingness..
Pain because she can't love,
Scars and fear of rejection,
She creates diversions, walls,
Are you willing to wait? Can you hang on?
Can you reach out with everything to loose?
A part of her wants to forget it all,
She hasn't found the mercy yet..
Maybe tomorrow, some other time.
Just not today, not this moment.

Commitorum Metus

I saw him again today....
He had a hair cut.
he was different today,
Looked darker, sad and misty eyed.
Something was wrong,
I touched his chin, then torso.
Leaned in and sucked on the lower lip.
He pushed me away,
His voice wobbled with restrained emotion,
Why? He asked me, WHY??
I have a puzzled expression,
He is my friend, he is someone I know.
I was still confused.
'I LOVE YOU' he said..
I smiled...............
What happened to the commitment phobe I knew
the insouciant Flirt?
The man who had sordid lust tales?
Where was he? Who is this?
With squinched eyes, I stared at him,
Almost like I was looking into his soul..
He stood up, firm arms on his waist,
I looked at the familiar bulge.
I Smiled, but he did not smile back.
I was jerked to realness.
He Walked to the door and turned the knob,
Make a decision, choose he told me..
Then he walked away.
He just LOST me........

frozen Lemons

The usual 'reverie',
Its hppening again,
Despair, worries, shame.
Palm under chin, head spins..
Its different this tme,
Feelings there, groggy thoughts..
Uncertainty of tomorrow's world,
Unstated wth today..
Would she get through?
There surely is light somewhere,
Can she wait for it?
Too many lost, Too many gone.....
She's in a daze,
The Tower seems reposeful yet distressing today.
She is faraway from the world beneath!
Hope knocks in a corner,
How can she begin again?
Who will make it clear to her?
Who will be a picket to her?
The walls are falling down,
Jumping is her resolve......
Tear-filled eyes,
How the hell did she get here?
She's lost, drowning out,
A squall!!!!
She is fine now......'YOU neglected her'

why bother?

Why bother?

You meet in unexpected circumstances or even a perfect meeting,

You 'click', talk for hours, go for dates, spend alot of time 'sitting'.

You get comfortable, share more, relate stories, BOND.

You count the days and months, then you give in to 'that' which happens in a split second.

You allow it, enjoy it, feel it, long for it, invent it..

You wake up one morning and 'life' happens so fast before you can absorb it.
They come gradually, withdrawal, lies, betrayals, silence.
You wonder how and where it went awry?
Shut out, retrocede into shell, emotional detachment.
You ask me, why so uptight? why the walls?
Why so edgy, why a loner, why so insensitive?
Going through this several times would either build or break you.
Don't get me wrong, i believe in love, relationships, happy-ever-afters,
I encourage you to take risks, fall in love, LIVE!
But for me, aloofness towards emotional entanglements works, don't want to keep asking myself
WHY BOTHER????