Retracing steps.....

Pieces of my life,
Like raindrops in a storm.
Pain in my heart,
Confusion in my mind.
I chose a path long time ago,
One that directed me to hurt doors.
Wearily i struggle to find peace,
I search for ♡ and beauty.
Snares everywhere, waiting for me to stumble
Emptiness surrounds me, Confusing my perceptions.
Then he found me, a shoulder to lean on.
Catching pieces, clearing the storm.
Helping me find my purpose, taking my path with me.
He can't fight my inner battles, he can only lend me strength till i find my own.
The path is the same, but no longer a lonely road.
He will fill the emptiness and help me find peace.
I have a companion now who has taken my hands.........to lead me to LOVE...xoxoxo

time...

I have moved on indeed,
No more worries.
He made me bleed,
A lot of memories.
All I pray for,
A heart to love again,
A place to feel safe.
A love without pain.
I will survive this,
I will conquer it.
I will get through this.
My body aches,
My eyes hurt,
My heart, my world.
I am sorry I had to let go....

pain....

We laid down and discussed the future.. I shared my ideas, he joked about it! I was hurt, he did not try to be encouraging in any way...
I expressed my displeasure, said a few words, the tears rolled, tempers flared, then a slap!
I reeled in shock and confusion, my lover! I couldn't even look at him.. hurting tears flowed.
my joy now my pain..
No one understood! Voices echoed 'he's no good' 'how dare he hit you' 'leave him, that's how it starts'. I looked at them through tears, this is my baby, he couldnt  hurt a fly, he's harmless, he's not a violent person.
Sleep eluded. and I said a prayer to God, he assured me everything will be fine. I will be strong and face my fears. The woman in me is a fighter.

The bull..

I craved for it, I wanted it, needed it like air.
It came........searching.......willing.
I held back, hoping I don't give in.
My emotional walls were up strong and firm..
I was overwhelmed without forewarning,
My heart was willing to wait, my mind longed to be felt,
My Flesh wanted to be held and much more.
I gave in recklessly....... 'Sigh'
I smile now....I once loved a bull!!

change

I thought it was over. the lies haunted, life drained, no one cared. The pursuit of money and fame.
I turned to alcohol, addictions and raves. While I tell myself to be cautious, I know the damage will be irreparable.
Of course it ate deep, physically, emotionally, psychologically you name it. A large circle of ignoble friends....
The gossips surfaced, betrayals, envy, shattered friendships. Sadness and depression settled in......
Then acceptance, oh the bitterness was taken out on loved ones.
Reality struck! Oh what a squalor of mistakes.. Haunting and prude thoughts 'why did It get to this point'?
Perhaps a rebellious act on my part? A personality disorder?? What was it?
Well, acceptance, CHANGE, gratitude, faith, LOVE, contentment was all I needed..
I don't have a perfect life now, but am getting there!! I know how you feel juliet;)